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Holland Parke School News:     Headmaster hopes the chalk thief reveals his identity, he will not punish this individual he just wants to have a friendly chat with him                  Shock as dinner lady is caught excreting in chocolate Ice Cream                      Rabbi Cokh voted sexiest teacher of the year                        Master John Bater mugged outside pizza shop                         No more toilet paper in school toilet, Headmaster says they're being used for masturbation purposes                                Inspectors day on the 16th please could everyone be on their best behaviour so no one could know what a shit school it really is                          Aligator on the loose in the school swimming pool                           The BBC is filiming a documentary near the school entitled "The drugged up ganglord"                      Broken Piano replaced, students are advised not to have sex on Piano again                            Headmaster urges the student who sneezed outside his office at August 23rd to give himself in, anyone with further information please contact reception                  Last chance to hand over school calendars or face a death sentence                            School Main computer room covered in faeces  

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